2007 Beastly Behavior Award: Joan King

In light of Loyola 2L's victorious win of the WSJ Lawyer of Year Award: http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2007/12/19/the-law-blog-lawyer-of-the-year-loyola-2l/, I found it proper and fitting that the Tom the Temp 2007 Beastly Behavior Award could only go to one of the conniving and profiteering snakes at one of the TTT law schools.

In October, TTT law school administrator, Joan King, publicly criticized WSJ reporter Amir Efrati's professionalism and integrity. Efrati, in an article detailing the dismal state of the legal job market for graduates of non-elite schools, criticized the way in which King was pitching a $150K law school investment to naive 22 year olds. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB119040786780835602.html

King's post-graduate career statistics were portrayed as being incomplete, for failing to disclose the critical fact that only half of her graduates had responded to post-graduate surveys. King was also criticized for her failure to disclose the fact that many of her figures were puffed up through the inclusion of temporary lawyers, many of whom do grunt work, make low hourly wages, put up with abuse from egomanical bosses, and work in cockroach infested basements. King claimed the amount of contract attorneys was "minimal" but declined to give a number:

"Declined to give a number? When annual tuition for full-time students at schools like Brooklyn hover{ing} around $40,000 before expenses (which tack on another $20,000)? That says it all. If these were for-profit companies trying to raise funds from clueless investors and publishing questionable data in their prospectuses, the SEC would be all over them. Universities get away with a lot, so buyer beware." http://www.iveyfiles.com/2007/09/feast-or-famine.html

As Loyola 2L so aptly put it, "If you sell the wealthy a bad investment – you will get sued. They have the Securities Acts to protect them. They can sue in so many ways: for the way you offered it to them, for misleading statements, even for statements you thought were correct, but which turned out to be wrong. As if all these private claims weren’t enough, they even have a massive government agency protecting them!

But poor 22 year old college grads? They have nothing. Feel free to prey on them to heart’s desire. You want their $120,000 of borrowed money? Go get it. You can lie about your employment stats, you can lie about it being “a good investment for the vast majority of your graduates,” you can even lie about your victims. The 90% of your grads who work miserable low paying jobs didn’t get ripped off, they’re just stupid and lazy.

It’s great that the wealthy, those who can afford to invest in securities, get these protections. No one should get ripped off. But when are the poor, who invest in higher education, going to get something?"

Make no mistake about it, without Joan King and her slick TTT shysters puffing up statistics and selling bags of fake goods, there wouldn't be a massive glut of debt-ridden and desperate sheep plowing into the crowded, miserable, and exploitive "Lex-Pollution" and Paul Weiss sweatshops. Unfortunately, until people like Joan King are frog-marched in front of a federal jury, there will always be a need for negative blogs like this.

Mickey's (of Simpson Thacher) Christmas Carol

I want to wish everyone a happy holiday season. Hopefully, like was done in years past at the old Satan's Workshop, you won't be asked to come in and review Vioxx documents on Christmas Day.

Speaking of Satan's Workshop, for those of you that spent any significant time at 65 Broadway, you may want to enjoy this Christmas, as this may be your last:

"I hear 65 shut down a month ago. I think the building was actually shut down so they could do renovations. I think asbestos was the issue...can you say "MESOTHELIOMA"?"

What about World Trade Center dust?

Nora's Girls

"The New Girls' Network is an alliance of female leaders who individually and collectively promote the advancement of women in the practice of law. Founded by Nora Plesant, Principal of Lexolution LLC, the New Girls' Network hosts frequent seminars, panels and breakfasts on cutting edge topics faced by the women who are redefining the legal marketplace. The New Girls' Network also provides the opportunity to mix and mingle with the best and brightest in the today's legal community.

-Lexolution website"

Once again, we have yet another marketing scheme cooked up by our friends at the "Lex-Pollution" temp agency. See the "Nora's Girls' Network" for what it is: nothing more than a niche marketing campaign designed to get Nora in front of female biglaw partners, so that she, Krowitz, and Osman can sell "Lex-Pollution" services and increase the "Lex-Pollution" bottom line.

Examine the lives of the real "Nora's Girls" (those who actually work for "Lex-Pollution"), and you get quite a different picture. As a real "Nora Girl," if you get pregnant, and take too many bathroom breaks, you may very well find yourself fired and blacklisted. God forbid you actually have a child; good luck trying to insure it under the stingy, overpriced, and non-subsidized "Lex-Pollution" family health care plan. You can also forget about ever seeing the kid; as a real "Nora Girl," you will be nothing more than a potted plant, grounded in front of a dull, luminescent computer screen for 12 hours straight in the crowded "Lex-Pollution" sweatshop.

2007 Beastly Behavior Award

While it will be hard to top a cockroach infested basement, a public defense of blocked fire exits, and a mass retaliatory firing, nominations are now being accepted for Tom the Temp's 2007 Beastly Behavior Award.

In other news, I was contacted by an AMLaw 100 firm and they are looking to hire 15 Document Review Attys in NYC directly on a full time salaried basis, $72K, plus holiday, benefits, vacation and OT ($60/hr) after 35 hours. If you are interested, send me your resume ASAP (before the agency snakes get wind of this and dish out their bribes), and I will forward it over.

Loyola 2L

The Wall Street Journal Lawyer of the Year nominations are up! Send a clear message to the snakes at the ABA by voting for Loyola 2L:

"L2L has brought attention to the systemic problems in law, from law school to law practice, to the rampant outsourcing of legal jobs and the miserable life in the large firms. The legal industry is beset with greed and dehumanization at every step. And no, it has not always been this way, there used to be a collegiality in the law. To be entirely focused on greed is unacceptable."

http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2007/12/14/the-law-blog-lawyer-of-the-year-the-nominees/

An Update Legal Christmas

12/14/07- Is a Temp Attorney walkout viable? The Viacom "permalancers" pulled one off last week. Discuss.


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From the comments section:

"Just in time for the holidays, Update Legal decides to Scrooge us over.

Late last night, an overly cheery Update Legal staffer calls us to tell us that we will receive a retroactive raise to $40 an hour plus OT. Our first thought was, Sweet! Many of us had worked well over 3000 hours on the year meeting deadline after deadline. Some of us had put in over 6000 hours over two years. So, we figured we were overdue for a raise. But knowing how everything in Tempworld is the opposite of what it might seem, we kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sure enough, this morning, Maria and Will come by to report that there is no raise and that all caps on hours remain the same.

Maria apologized for Update's error -- even though she clearly had nothing to do with it. She even said she would look into getting us a free lunch. Maria is total class -- she's about the only woman who could give Jackie O a run for her money in that department.

But for Update, this is just completely unprofessional. There is no excuse for this! On Friday night the Update Legal crew was laughing it up in their fake tans and white sundresses getting "low" to Crank that Soldja Boy. Today, they they show us how low they can really go."

Ms. Pig

Apparently, all of this talk about the grand, stately "Lex-Plantation" at 16 E. 40th Street, 10th Floor is driving all of the other bloodsucking temp agencies green with envy. De Novo's Evelyn (Ms. Pig) just put out her very own desperate plea, calling all gulag overseers to help her expand her rapidly growing network of deteriorating sweatshops:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/lgl/502026527.html

Take that Krowshitz! Maybe Evelyn will spark a bidding war, and successfully lure "Aunt Tom Kim Powe" and "Debbie - Sharp Knife In Your Back" away from Lex-Pollution. Only time will tell.

While she's at it, Evelyn should also look into starting a partnership with Jack Zaremski, president of Hanover Legal Personnel Services, who was recently quoted in an article stating that, "there are plenty of attorneys who are happy to accept very low-level, mind-numbing positions doing whatever's at the bottom of the barrel." http://www.nysun.com/article/67423?page_no=1

That's exactly who we need running one of these dangerous, miserable, cockroach infested sweatshops: someone who actually believes that slaves are somehow "content" with working 12 hours a day in miserable, benefitless, dead end temp jobs. Evelyn, make the call!

The "LEX-Pollution" Wall of Shattered Dreams

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!

"Please join your friends at

LEXOLUTION for a Holiday Open House

Drop by, share some holiday cheer, and pick up a holiday gift from Lexolution!

Also, beginning in early 2008, Lexolution’s website will feature some of the unique talents, skills and passions that our LEXtraordinary candidates pursue outside of their legal careers. We’ll be collecting information about this at our Holiday Open House, so please bring any information you’d like to share.

We look forward to seeing you all…"


Once again, we have yet another example of how "Lex-Pollution," and its primary founder Scott Krowitz, attempt to carry on the charade that they actually have a vested interest in the personal and professional development of their candidates. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. As someone previously mentioned, the sole aim of an organization like "Lex-Pollution" is to add yet another layer of profit between the law firm clients and the "Morlock" grunt-working temps.

While we struggle to pay loan sharks exorbitant monthly student loans, and suffer through an endless series of demeaning, dead-end temps jobs, all the while trying to make it through flu season without health insurance, the stakeholders at "Lex-Pollution" sit back in cushy offices, get rich, and plot new and creative ways of shoving newly minted, fresh-faced JD's into crowded sweatshops.

Krowitz's claim that he actually cares about the individuality and the "LEXtraordinary" talents of his employees would be laughable, if it wasn't so tragic. People like Krowitz are nothing more than highly compensated industrial meat grinders, people who grease the wheels of biglaw, and lead a steady stream of cheap, docile, and highly disposable sheep into the economic and professional slaughterhouse.

Those who in anyway question the modus operandi of Krowitz are immediately blacklisted. Leave work often enough to attend to one of your "LEXtraordinary" talents and you will find yourself blacklisted. Criticize a dangerous "Lex-Pollution" work site, such as the one on East 44th Street that was cited last summer by the NYC fire marshal, and on the blacklist you go.

So, who will attend the "Lex-Pollution" holiday party this year? Who will fall victim to Krowitz's chummy b.s., or be bought off by a "gift," most likely in the form of a cheap bottle of Lex-Pollution booze? Remember, an inebriated sheep is a docile sheep. More importantly, who will give away any last shred of human dignity and contribute to the "LEXtraordinary Wall of Talent," which in my opinion, should more appropriately be called the "LEXtraordinary Wall of Shattered Dreams"? Will it be you?

The HireCounsel Funeral Dirge

Last weekend, a friend I grew up with unexpectedly passed away. As sad as it was, I was able to attend to my business and pay my condolences.

Unfortunately, one of my temporary attorney colleagues wasn't so lucky when she had to attend a funeral several years ago. At the time, she was working for the HireCounsel temp agency. In the middle of the funeral, piercing high above the somber chants of Dies Irae, went the ring of her cell phone. Apparently, it was Denise Fischler, who was demanding to know when my friend was going to return to work. My friend kindly informed her that she was in the middle of a funeral, and that it wasn't the best time for a conversation. After hanging up, Ms. Fischler immediately called back, and left a message on voice mail requesting that my friend mail back in her employee I.D. badge! Talk about nerve.

I had my own personal run in with this crackpot, when I quit the Paul Weiss gulag. Despite sending in a kind, professional e-mail to Ms. Fischler, informing her that I didn't take my doc. reviews with cockroaches, I received a nasty, scathing telephone call from her, at 10 P.M. She berated me like a child, scolding me for walking off a project. "How dare you just quit like that," she sneered. I was so exasperated, I merely apologized. Surprisingly, one week later, she called me for another assignment.

Fortunately, Ms. Fischler no longer works for the HireCounsel temp agency; remember, only the good die young, and Denise probably went off, crawled under some rock, and will in all likelihood survive the next nuclear winter. Just be thankful, however, that you will never again have to hear the HireCounsel funeral dirge.

Plaintiff's Work

"De Novo Legal is searching for attorneys for an upcoming document review project. Candidates must be admitted to the bar of a US state and be flexible for OT. Work will be on the plaintiff’s side of a class action with an expected duration of 6-8 weeks."

Note to newbies: If you plan on involving yourself in the temporary attorney racket, STAY AWAY from plaintiff's side class action firms. Not only do many of these smaller firms treat you like shit, but they will conflict you out of many future projects on the defense side. I know it may be tempting to work through the holidays, but if you take this short 6-8 week project, you may very well be spending the next few years living out in a van down by the Hudson River.