4/3/07 -- HH associate provides a further description of Lily:
Hahaha. I laughed out loud when I saw this thread! I actually saw "Lily" today at the office.
For those who don't know, "Lily" is not her actual name. Her real name rhymes with Lily and I will use this psuedonym to protect the guilty.
Anyone at HH knows who she is. She is a grotesque 300 lbs, and her physical deformities are utterly beyond description. Her best friend is a bag of cheetos, and her fat, mangled fingers are often coated with their orange powder. She drives her slaves (this is the slang for "managing" temps or "contract attorneys") offsite in a basement in New Jersey. I believe there may be windows, but I have not been there myself to verify this fact.
Lily does maintain a presence in the New York office, rather unfortunately, and we see her rear her ugly head from time to time. Probably just taking orders from some non-equity partner in charge of the firm's various doc review projects. The sole purpose of this woman's existence is to squeeze every last drop of efficiency out of each slave, and to make their miserable lives as horrible as possible, all for $35/hour.
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"Lily" the (17th?) year associate who "manages" the contract attorneys is a fat, nasty monster. "Lily" once ripped a cellphone out of someone's hand at the offsite location. "Lily" also fired people on the spot for having newspapers at their "desks" and wanted to take away garbage cans as a way to make the space cleaner (someone needs to retake the logic games portion of the LSAT). "Lily" takes it upon herself to impose cost-cutting measures which only serve to undermine efficiency and work product quality. She has brought about a state of affairs whereby overtime is treated like the holy grail and the miserly meal allowance and tickets to ride in cars with maniac drivers are glimmering mirages in a desert. Meanwhile, newspapers reveal that the client has set aside billions of dollars in legal fees and that the firm has matched associate salary hikes to remain competitive. Translation: "Lily" is a woman getting paid over $200,000 / year to sit on her ass and who is trying to cheat contract attorneys out of every penny.
Speaking of bathrooms, in lockstep with Paul, Weiss, the temps working at the offsite location have to sign in and out to use the bathroom. An attorney at that space was driven to smearing his feces on the wall of the men's room there. "Lily" surmised that the substance was actually chocolate. The temps kept in the dungeon of the firm's main office have to use grimy hall passes to the bathroom. The ceiling of the men's room crashed down into a stall and was left in that state for a week. All of the toilets regurgitate waste in the same manner of the firm's work product-billing system. The floor beneath the bathrooms is rotting, and the stench invades the air. One time, they refilled the soap dispensers with flourscent pink gummy goop. People of the same and opposite gender were indeed followed to the bathroom by the ex-communicated on-site coordinator. At one point, the temps were told they would have to deduct bathroom breaks from their paychecks. No wonder people are driven to smearing feces on the walls . . .
As for "Egg Man," this man is so physically repulsive that his image is excluded from the firm's website. Physicality aside, the man is a dick. His former law school classmates remember him running up to professors to tell on students who hadn't done the reading for the day. These tactics are still employed in his capacity of slave-driver at HHR. Anyone arriving at the site a minute late must report to him. Although he occupies hallways and door frames like a clogged artery, his step is feather-light. He loves to stealthily sneak into the workroom and "catch" the temps under his tutelage engaged in non-work behaviors. He pits coworkers against each other and tries to convert some into snitches; however, often the tattletale gets the axe along with the troublemaker. He doesn't seem to do any billable legal work apart from taking up space bumbling around and stuttering instructions about the doc review. He always has a sinister expression on his face, belying the myth that fat people are supposed to be jolly. In fact, he may be getting his "jollies" from putting temps on edge through his espionage and witch hunt tactics. He is single-handely responsible for many of the progressively worsening conditions on the project. In the year since his hiring (more likely than not accomplished by means of nepotism), he has engaged in a Reign of Terror. Liberty, Equality, Fraternity!
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