Conversations With Update Legal

From blogger John Bungsolaphagus, here is a typical phone conversation with the Update Legal temp agency:

Hi [XXXXXX] from Update! Sure, I can begin working
tomorrow.

(They NEVER EVER seem to have the ability to give you
at least a couple of days notice...and they lie to
railroad you into a shit project.)


Yes, I can work 12 hour days for six days a week and
half days Sundays.

(Plus, they demand Saturdays which does not work for
many of those of the Jewish persuasion...surprising
that Update would do such...but then again..maybe
that's why they insist that I, a non-jew must work on
Saturdays...to fill in for the Jews who won't. Hmmm.
Of course they don't give a fuck about those who might
actually practice Christianity on the Sunday Sabbath.
I am a heathen so I can work on Sunday but that's not
good enough for Update. They keep trying to ram rod me
into Saturdays. I make more money on Saturdays on
nonlegal endeavors than many make in a week in the
law. So I refuse to give them Saturdays. Hence, I have
not yet worked on an Update project, nor do I intend
to do so.)


No, I do not have any vacations planned for the next
six months, nor do I intend to take any days off in
the next six months.

(Vacation? In law land? Please! They even asked me
sarcastically, "you don't have any doctors
appointments for the next several weeks do
you?"...Snakes.)


Thank you so much for this opportunity!

(Update counts on young attorney desperation. This is
where I fail with them every time. I do not say the
above when they offer a shit project and I catch them
contradicting each other on the material terms of a
project. One person will call and say the pay is $X
and the bad cop will call later and say that the pay
is really $X minus $5 or $10 per hour. Or the good cop
will say that Saturdays are not required and the bad
cop will start asking you if you can work half of a
Saturday and why not if you say no. The bad cop then
says that Saturdays are required after the good cop
told you that they weren't. That's when I pass because
who knows what the reality is when you actually get
stuck on a shit project? When they offer me shit or
they get caught in a lie I politely say to them "no
thanks, I'll pass"...and this puzzles them...they
can't believe that I have better and more profitable
things to do than to be jerked around by them.)